She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
