how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
