you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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