I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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