I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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