My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
My vagina just recognized that song.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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