This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
