Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
