He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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