So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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