Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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