I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
