When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
