i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
No stitches, just platelets and will power
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
