it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
