we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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