I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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