dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
