I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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