eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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