I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Randomize
