Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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