Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
