i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Fuck me I smell like cheese
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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