I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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