I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
