What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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