My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Randomize
