i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
