I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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