What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
