I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
