i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
If I die, sorry about rent.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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