i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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