all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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