she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
