she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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