problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
