she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
