fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
