I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
