You work out of a Hotel?
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
