And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
