my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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