have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
