I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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