He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
