my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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