and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I love you. Go after that dick
Randomize
