I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
